Life lately
It’s the early September. Winter is partly gone and the leaves have turned bright orange. The sun came out for a few hours today, though followed by a heavy rain in the quiet evening. I’ve been laying in bed since 3 PM and it’s currently 9 PM. I’ve read 3 chapters of Wuthering Heights and watched episodes of Never Have I Ever. I’m finally trying the new ramen place in the city for dinner tomorrow.
I’ve lived in Melbourne since February. Life has been magical in the best possible ways. I’ve bumped into temporary people, tapped on trams, laughed my bum off whilst sipping on bottles of warm sake at a local Japanese bar, took a photo in a vintage photo booth off of Flinders Station, made out with a blonde and blue-eyed Australian college boy I met at a party, hooked up with my best friend’s housemate, asked out on a date by a Sri Lankan guy who was on the same tram as me, became friends with people from college, dried my laundry on the big desk in my room, ate cereal nights and days because I couldn’t afford anything else, thrifted a black Carhartt pants for only $50, and everything in between.
I still lay at night, wondering to myself, how did any of this life was even possible? I moved across the world alone to chase my dream of working in a cultural and creative industry, looking after myself every second of the day, thinking of what to cook for dinner. I get to choose to sit in the sun, read a book, drink an iced matcha latte, and munch on a good Tuna Melt sandwich, whenever I want? This is quite literally the dream life. I’ve dreamed of this since I was little.
The last 7 months have been eye-opening and sacred for my growth — to pinpoint a place for myself in this world. People have really come and go. I was brought up and down, a hundred times. I’m thankful for the memories they left and I wish them well. I had no choice but to always be kind to myself — to heal the wounds they’ve caused in silence. It all sounds so silly, because 7 months is nothing, and I’ve met many people in such a short amount of time. I can’t help it, they all meant something to me! Each one of them taught me lessons crucial for my character development. It did hurt, but that only means I cared and I was brave to put my heart on my sleeve, every single time it hurt me.
Do I wish they would’ve given me some sort of closure just because I think it would’ve hurt less? Sure. Unfortunately, life always has a way to do just the exact opposite. It’s not always sunshine and a beautiful vintage $10 classic book you find in a secondhand book store here, mate. Sometimes it’s a wet rain puddle you accidentally step on and a $8 Adidas shorts smaller than your size that squeezes your thighs in all the wrong places. So, what? Be it. Let it consume you and let it go.
Anyways, I love it here. It does get very lonely sometimes, but it’s all I need to successfully grow my spring onion, to dance ecstatically with headphones on, to scrub my shower’s floor, and everything else that requires someone to feel astonishingly lonely. I do hope I get better in navigating it.
